Domestic Violence Awareness: Part 2
As we become aware of the realities of what domestic abuse includes, It's important to understand the social dynamics of our culture of acceptance of abuse.
Studies conducted by peaceful families found that 98 percent of men and women studied in Arab-American homes believed that slapping a wife was acceptable if she insulted him at home or in public or initiated it. Further, battered immigrant women, many times are not able to express their reality in court due to a lack of interpretation. They sometimes accept the abuse due to family pressure, cultural norms, or because they are threatened by their husband about the loss of status. Many men incorrectly quote religious texts to justify the violence making the women feel like they are being bad if they defy their husbands. Finally, so many women and men don't come to get help due to the shame associated with “airing your dirty laundry”, talking bad about your husband, fear getting blamed for his behavior, the stigma of divorce, fear of their children's future, etc. They don't realize by not getting the help they are putting themselves and their children at risk not just physically but more important mentally.
Prevention education is essential.
What Does this imply?
Teaching healthy and safe relationship skills to the youth, single moms, and couples
Engage active members both men and women. of the community and train them how to spot abuse, how to start the conversation about abuse, and how to guide to resources
Develop healthy youth and children's programs for youth from abusive families aimed at reversing the patterns of abuse they have encountered
Destigmatize seeking mental health help
Condemn the societal acceptance of IPV and understand that Domestic Violence is always a choice, it doesn't just happen
The truth: Domestic Violence is real and it is deeply ingrained in our communities.
Important Question: Where do we go from here?
The answer begins with hope- We can be the change - but only if we all actively participate in this process! The key is that early intervention does help prevent the escalation of violence. Numerous studies have shown that intentional intervention makes a difference in the person and the relationship.
We all need to come together as a community and challenge the cultural and religious norms that have become such an integral part of our dynamic, we don't even realize- we aren't even aware of their existence. By brushing red flags aside as “it's none of our business” we feed into the cycle of abuse and allow it to continue. I ask each of you to look at your circle of influence, what do you see?
Some warning signs of abuse include:
When someone goes along with whatever their partner says with no opinion of their own
Their partner will constantly check up on them or call when they are out - or track their location
Seem anxious to please their partner or afraid of their partner
Casually mention the partner's jealousy or possessiveness
Will miss out on social occasions and have silly excuses
Might become more withdrawn or quiet
Have limited access to money
Show major personality changes such as depression, low self-esteem, and second-guessing themselves
Will turn excessively towards religion because, in isolation, that's all they have
It's easy to tell yourself it's none of your business, that you should stay out of it- but guess what - that won't suffice anymore. If you allow this to continue, it will invade your own home before you know it-.
It's essential to remember that encouraging the victim to get help doesn't mean that you are breaking their home or causing divorce- that should be the last option!
It just means that you are letting her or him know that you're there and that getting help can make a difference.
Many times, the abuser doesn't even realize that he is being abusive because that is what he has seen as a child- for him, it might be normal.
Early intervention and encouraging the desire to change by both parties might actually be the catalyst for a healthy relationship. It could potentially change the trajectory of generations to come! Early intervention is the key to prevention. This begins with awareness-
Nine times out of ten, when things start to get abusive, ignoring them only escalates the problem.
According to the latest report by the CDC on preventing intimate partner violence across the lifespan- there is growing evidence that engaging communities and families to intentionally intervene can significantly reduce IPV(intimate partner violence).
So today, I ask you to become aware of what's within you and what’s around you and intentionally intervene for change.
“Not everything that is faced can be changed, but nothing can be changed until it is faced” James Baldwin
Insha Allah, together, we can build healthier communities!
